Identity Crisis

As my husband transitions back to his civilian job (he went back this week!) I would expect him to have some transition problems. Civilian life and expectations are quite different than life as a soldier. The reintegration process is bound to bring up questions and doubts. Is this really me? What's the meaning of my job? How do I fill this hole? Who am I now? These are all reasonable questions for a soldier returning home to ask him (or her) self.

But me?

I guess I didn't expect it. Last deployment I was thrilled to give up being a fiance with a deployed husband-to-be. I don't remember having any moments of "Who am I now that he's home?" (Although I did have plenty of "Who is HE?" moments.)

This deployment I coped with my husband's absense by EMBRACING life as a military spouse. I blogged about it. I read other blogs about it. I became a military spouse. I watched Army Wives. I hung out with other army wives. Because of Facebook and the internet I connected with people I'll never meet but I'll always feel bonded to.

My husband's return brought so many wonderful things- my daughter's daddy, yummy meals, a partner, a dog walker, someone to laugh with, someone to talk to, and a million other little immeasureable things.

It also brought one not so wonderful thing. I got kicked out of the military spouse club. Not literally, but now I read milspouse blogs and feel like an outsider. I've run out of blog fodder. I don't really care to watch Army Wives any more (gasp!). I haven't seen my own army wives in weeks and although I miss them, the biggest thing we have in common is the Army. And we're all trying to scrub the Army off and enjoy civilian lives with our hubbies.

So...maybe it's time I accept that this chapter of my life is over. Right? (99% of me is cheering, but 1% is sighing at the end of my time as an active military spouse- he's got another 10 years so I'm not done, but military is returning to the back burner of our lives, for now.)

The hardest part of turning in my membership card is admitting its time to end this blog. This blog is one of the best supports I created for myself during the last deployment. It helped me find a positive slant on most issues that I faced during deployment. But, deployment is over. It's time to move on. It's time to step back into the civilian world with both feet. I've never been good at goodbyes, so I have a few more posts in me before I can be done. Thanks for reading.