Totally Worth It

He's home! It's been 10 days now. Ten days never went this fast DURING deployment. I come home from work to yummy meals. Stuff I'd never take the time to cook for myself- like stuffed zucchini and veggie fajitas. Because I'm a vegetarian and he's a meatatarian he's making two meals every night. Our daughter has someone to eat hot dogs and pickles with her. She has two parents to give her attention and care. Our dog is getting more exercise and attention than he's had in a year. I have an adult I get to talk to, cuddle with, and laugh with every night. There is someone to tell about my day. It's not just someone, it's the person who understands and knows me better than anyone. It's the man I love. I get to SEE him everyday. For that, I am grateful. But...

The adjustment period has some challenges. It's not all bliss and love. There is a lot of that. But there is also awkwardness and irritation and moments of complete communication break down.

"You are seriously upset about this?" Yes. Yes I am. It's not rational or explainable, but when it comes to military life, what is? In fact, you not understanding my irrational emotions is making me want to stay upset. For a looooong time. [In some ways, that first fight feels like a celebration. We GET to fight again. We don't have to schedule our arguments on a phone or computer when our two separate lives and the time difference allows. We get to make up in person, minutes or hours later, because we know the other person will be there when the anger subsides. And the anger always subsides.]

"What do you mean you vacuumed because the house needed it? Are you saying I didn't vacuum enough?" [Not at all what he was saying. He'd vacuumed because going in the attic and installing a heat lamp in the bathroom had left dust all over the previously "clean" house. Oops. I'm a bit oversensitive today. I meant to say the heat lamp looks great.]

"Daddy, that's Mommy's chair!" [I was just keeping it warm while Daddy was gone...but to a 2 year old this change to where I sit at dinner is upsetting.]

"Is it okay if I..." [When will we stop asking permission to see our friends, leave the house, or have alone time? When will we stop apologizing and feeling guilty for these things?]

I'm reminded that my husband, daughter, and I are all fairly stubborn, independent, and we appreciate routine. During deployment we had a routine that we stuck to. It kept us sane and got us through a difficult year. It wasn't easy or desirable, but it was familiar. We don't want THAT routine back, but we do want A routine. Until that happens, our daughter might have more moments where she refuses to get out of the car because she needs some time to growl out her frustrations. I might sleep more and still be oversensitive. My husband might smokes more and talk less.

But every minute is totally worth it. Because he's home.