A lot has changed

To manage stress you have to change your thinking. Orchids, and military families, bloom under stress. Rocking chairs relieve stress. A lot can change in six years. These are the bits of wisdom I learned today at an event to help prepare military families for their soldier's reintegration process.

I was struck by how much the military and our government have learned about soldiers and reintegration in six years. In 2004, the briefing I received was put together by my FRG (Family Readiness Group). At the time I thought it was informative and helpful. It was in a school gymnasium. I sat on wooden bleachers and took notes. We were lucky they provided us with as much information as they did. We needed every bit of it.

Soon after the unit returned home I witnessed many soldiers loose themselves to alcohol and/or depression, my husband included. The unit had lost FOUR soldiers during their year long deployment. FOUR. They had spent a year never feeling safe. They wanted to get back to life and catch up on the time they missed, but for most it wasn't easy. Their brains wouldn't let go of the images of the past year. There was no external organization monitoring the unit or getting them help. Eventually most soldiers found the courage to seek help. They did this because they helped each other. Many were treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Soldiers recognized it in each other and encouraged trips to the VA for support.

My husband was one of them. Always an extrovert, I remember his sudden discomfort in a crowd. I remember his short temper and irritation at everything. I remember his disinterest in being with friends or doing things he used to enjoy. I remember his difficulty sleeping. When I got in or out of bed he would often startle and not know who I was or where he was. I felt like I was torturing him when I'd return to bed from the bathroom or when I'd try to give him a goodbye kiss on my way to work. So, I started making kissing sounds to announce my presence. I figured kissing sounds wouldn't trigger any war flashbacks or bad thoughts. I hoped they also wouldn't unnecessarily wake him up. It worked. As long as I remembered to kiss the air on my way into bed, he slept unaffected by my movements. He told me that driving was challenging, because in Iraq roadside garbage and dead animals often contained explosives. We planned our marriage (The wedding was 4 months after he returned) and got through things there was no manual for.

Six years later there is still no manual, but there is so much more information and support. Today's event included numerous speakers and booths with free books, pamphlets, and information. The room was full of experts ready to support military families and soldiers. We have 2 more of these events to attend. The soldiers will be expected to sit in a room together and receive information about stress, managing finances, finding a good or better job, suicide prevention, and how to move back into their roles as sons, daughters, moms, dads, and spouses. The irony is that six years ago there were 600 attacks in Iraq daily and today there are 3. An astonishing statistic, but I saw the proof when my husband was home on leave a few months ago. This deployment was easier. Not easy, but easier. He quickly adjusted to civilian life. He seemed like himself from the minute I picked him up at the airport until the minute he left. He drove and slept without complication.

So today I'm thankful for the passage of time. I'm thankful for the information and support available to soldiers. I'm thankful for the support groups that spontaneously form between soldiers and between soldier's families. I'm thankful that I own 2 rocking chairs. I know I'll need them. But most of all, I'm thankful my husband is coming home much more whole than he did six years ago. It's time to bloom.